


I Can't Breathe Without You (But I Have To)

by timelesslords



Series: Heroes of Olympus One Shots [3]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Annabeth is sad and scared and percy loves her, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, One Shot, POV Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson), Panic Attacks, Post-Tartarus (Percy Jackson), Protective Percy Jackson, Trauma, set between HOH and BOO, some truly sickening fluff, to the point it's probably a little OOC but who's counting, yes the title is a taylor swift reference please let me have this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28826778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelesslords/pseuds/timelesslords
Summary: Annabeth wakes up from a nightmare and goes to find Percy. Things don't go exactly to plan.
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson
Series: Heroes of Olympus One Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2113620
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	I Can't Breathe Without You (But I Have To)

**Author's Note:**

> Just as an additional warning, Annabeth has a panic/anxiety attack type reaction in this fic. Please be careful if that sort of thing is triggering to you!

Annabeth Chase had long ago accepted the reality of nightmares.

Being a demigod, it just came with the territory. They were miserable and tiring and sometimes downright terrifying, but there was also no way around them. Annabeth had dealt with them before mostly by regarding them as a strategic advantage. Yes, they sucked, but they also gave her some insight into things they couldn't possibly know otherwise: what traps their enemies were planning, what was happening with their friends and allies, sometimes even glimpses at the past that might become relevant in the future. Annabeth couldn't say that she looked forward to them, but she begrudgingly accepted them as a necessary tool in her kit. They kept her informed. They kept her alert. 

At least, they had before Tartarus. Since escaping the pit, Annabeth hadn't had one useful nightmare. No glimpses into the goings-ons at Camp, no eavesdropping on her enemies meetings. Not even a peek at Nico or Reyna, or even Coach Hedge. 

No. Instead, Annabeth was subjected to a series of play-by-plays of some of the worst experiences of her life.

It was an impressive feat of Tartarus that many of those memories came from the past couple of weeks. Annabeth had a lot of bad memories, but being stuck down there had brewed some of the worst. Drinking from the fiery river, watching Percy almost die from the exertion of it. Leaving Bob and Damasen at the doors. Seeing Percy shrouded in death mist, as a rotting corpse. Watching Percy drown Akhlys in her own poison, his eyes hardened and cruel. The few minutes she had been cursed, wandering around blind and helpless, believing in her heart of hearts that Percy had left her. 

And the worst, most evil part of it all? She could never tell she was dreaming. Demigod dreams, at least, gave you the comfort of knowing you were asleep. These were different. It was like she was there again, with no recollection of how the events had actually transpired, no idea she was actually unconscious, forced to watch over and over as her worst fears played out before her eyes.

She had determined a few nights ago that she greatly prefered the Akhlys dream to the curse dream. Logically, maybe, the confrontation with the goddess of death should leave her more scared. The few minutes she had been cursed had easily been some of, if not  _ the _ worst minutes of her life, but they had also been temporary, a trick of the mind. They dredged up some unfortunate feelings from Percy's real life disappearance, but that was over now. Their confrontation with Akhlys and the implications it held were unfortunately very real, and very withstanding. 

Knowing there was a darkness in Percy, a power he could but absolutely should not tap into, was terrifying. But in order for it to be terrifying it also had to mean that Percy was alive, and with her. It was much easier to calm herself down when she woke up from that dream, to convince herself that they had actually truly escaped, that Percy was, for the time being, alive, safe, and not completely dark and unhinged.

The curse dreams though. Those were the worst to wake up to. 

Now, for example. She shot up to her whole body shaking, her heart beating through her throat, still struggling to convince herself that it was just a dream. She wasn't blind anymore, she could read the spines on the books stacked on her desk. Percy hadn't left her, he was just in the other room. Not gone, not dead, he hadn't deserted her. Just in the other room. 

Instead of feeling her anxiety fade at these affirmations, it only seemed to grow. Percy was there. She knew logically that Percy was there, that he had done the absolute opposite of abandoning her. But her brain could not seem to get with the program. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking. Air refused to take refuge in her lungs, coming in short, inadequate gasps. 

But she could see. And if she could see, then she wasn't cursed anymore, and that was all it had been, just a curse, a trick. Not real. 

_ But then again _ , a little voice in the back of her head whispered,  _ he has disappeared from right under you before. _

If Annabeth could just see him, just confirm that he was still there. It was stupid, irrational, illogical, but just the idea allowed her to catch one breath, then another. She could just open his door, peer in, make sure he was there, and slip back to bed without anyone noticing. Easy. Fine. A little crazy, but she would take it. 

Annabeth slipped out her door into the hallway, trying to ignore the tremor still in her hands. It was just a few paces to the guys' side of the ship, and she crossed the distance quickly.

Something felt wrong immediately. His door was open just a crack, he never left his door open when he was sleeping. Annabeth pushed it aside. 

The room was empty. His bed was unmade, like he had been there a second before, and just– just–

Vanished. Just like before.

Annabeth's heart stopped. Her limbs ceased their shaking. She was frozen, staring at Percy's empty bedroom and the place that he should be. She had known something was wrong, when that nightmare wouldn't go away, she had known he was gone again, she'd felt it in her soul. He was gone and she was alone, and it was so dark–

Annabeth slowly sunk to the floor, no longer having control over her legs. She couldn't breathe, couldn't feel her heart beating, couldn't feel anything at all. 

"Annabeth?" 

She couldn't move, couldn't force her head to look up. It didn't matter; it was just in her head anyways. 

"Annabeth," the voice repeated, concern replacing surprise, and then she felt hands on her shoulders, very real, very not hallucinated hands touching her, hands she could pick out anywhere. His hands, touching her with the gentlest of pressure. 

"Look at me." Percy said tenderly, and just like that the spell was broken. Annabeth could move. She looked up, and saw him crouching beside her. His green eyes looked dim in the light, but even then she could see the concern laced in them. 

He was here. Naturally, she burst into tears. 

"Hey, it's okay. We're okay." He said, still holding her, rubbing small circles on her shoulders with his thumb. They sat like that for a minute, as Annabeth's brain processed the scene in front of her. He was fine. Totally fine. And she was probably crazy the way she couldn't stop crying, but even now the tears were coming slower and slower. Annabeth took a deep, shuddering breath, still unable to speak. Percy gently pulled her to her feet and led her inside his room, shutting the door behind them. Then he pulled her into a hug.

Annabeth buried herself in his chest, trying to steady her breathing. She focused on how real and solid he felt in her arms. She was probably hugging him too tight, but it was all her brain could do to confirm the reality of his presence. If he was uncomfortable he didn't make any sign, just held her until the tears had gone and she could breathe properly again. Annabeth reluctantly pulled back.

"Are you okay?" Percy asked, his whole face contorted in concern. 

"I'm–" Annabeth started, but she faltered. She had been about to say "fine" but she wasn't fine, really wasn't fine. She was the opposite of fine. 

"I– I had a nightmare." she said instead, allowing herself a full breath before she soldiered on, "And I thought– I don't know, I just had to see you. To make sure. And then you were gone, and I just..." 

Annabeth trailed off, but Percy had seen the aftermath of that well enough. 

"I'm so sorry ‘Beth." he breathed, "They just needed my help on the deck for a second, I thought you were asleep." 

Annabeth was momentarily torn from her fading anxiety to marvel at the boy in front of her. It was dumb of him to accept responsibility for her panic, as if he should have been prepared for every possible need of hers that could arise. Dumb and endearing, (and absolutely unacceptable because none of this was his fault), but endearing nonetheless. It didn’t help that he’d called her Beth, which he only did on rare occasions when he was tired and affectionate and it just slipped out, like he couldn’t help it. She hated it when other people called her that, but with Percy it felt different. Intimate. Good.

“Don’t apologize.” she said, shaking her head “It wasn’t your fault, I was just being– I’m sorry for freaking you out.” 

“Don’t be sorry.” He said, brushing a stray curl behind her ear with such tenderness it sent a shiver up her spine. 

“Do you wanna talk about your dream? It might help.” 

Annabeth hesitated. It wasn’t like the nightmare had been anything new, Percy knew full well about the curse she’d been inflicted with in Tartarus. But she didn’t want to hurt him either. That memory was sure to be nearly as painful for him as it was for her. 

But then again, he’d also just watched her have a meltdown, so maybe he deserved to know regardless. 

"I..." Annabeth started, then looked back up at him, her resolve wavering. 

"It's okay." Percy said encouragingly. 

Annabeth sighed, breathing deeply in and out.

"I keep having dreams about... you know." They'd both been hesitant to actually say the word Tartarus out loud. Seeing its physical form had made it so much worse. Names had power, and Annabeth never wanted to invoke anything close to that ever again.

Percy just nodded, sensing there was more coming.

"It sort of switches around, rotates memories, I guess. Tonight was a bad one." Annabeth continued. Understanding flashed in Percy's eyes. The reason she had come to find him and panicked so badly when she couldn't, fell into place. 

"You dreamed you were still cursed." he guessed. Annabeth could tell he was trying to keep his voice even for her sake, but it rattled him too.

"Normally I can calm down, remember everything is fine. But tonight–" she shook her head softly, like it would shake away the feeling that still lingered, even now, "Tonight I just couldn't." 

Percy nodded. He had filled in the rest. It wasn't exactly hard. 

"Stay the night." He said finally.

Annabeth balked slightly. Now that she was here, the prospect of leaving was downright painful. But still, they could get caught and have to explain, and where would that leave them?

"But– the rules."

At this, Percy flashed her a grin, a genuine grin, unmarred by monsters and memories and nightmares.

"What, are you afraid of Buford the Table?" 

In the absence of Coach Hedge, Leo had rigged up a semi-realistic Coach hologram to Buford the Table's framework. It was pretty true to life, mostly shouting and Piper and Jason to "put some clothes on" or “do 50 push-ups” when they got caught alone in a room together. Annabeth couldn't say she enjoyed being yelled at by Buford-Coach, but it was a far cry from the real Hedge, who could inflict actual consequences. 

"No." Annabeth said, rolling her eyes a little. 

"Do you think you'll sleep better alone?" Percy asked, sincere again, almost annoyingly so, since he obviously knew the answer.

"No." Annabeth sighed.

"Well, come on then." He said, a smile tugging at his lips, and Annabeth's resolve crumbled. He pulled her into his bed and Annabeth snuggled up next to him, laying her head on his chest. She could feel his heart beat under her hand, his light breath on her hair. He wrapped an arm around her, and it just felt so natural, so right, Annabeth almost started crying again. She had missed him so badly. 

It didn't take much for Annabeth to slip into sleep again. For the first time in a long, long time, it was dreamless. 


End file.
